Online Dating Profile Headlines that Won't Make Me Message You:

-Where the bitches at?!
No wonder you're single.

-Snappin Necks and Cashin Checks
Does it say "paid killer" under your occupation?

-Looking for a co-laborer in Christ
I love Jesus, but this is not a three-way.

-Wanna hook-up?
No thank you.

-At least I'm housebroken
If I wanted a pet, I'd have gone to the Humane Society.

-Looking for a good time
Go to a bar.

-A nice-shaped gurl, NO BBW
Thank you for letting me know, without even having to click on your profile, that you're an asshole. Next!

-Looking for a real woman
No mannequins?

-Not expecting much
So I'll feel totally fabulous when you settle for me.

-Whatever
Yeah.

-I forbid you to click here.
Okay. I won't.

-Wondering why I bother with this site.
If you're that bitter about it, you can leave it. No one's forcing you to stay.



Yes, I promise, I saw all of these delightful headlines on plentyoffish.com. People are fabulous.